OH GOD... PLEASE...

If you are a Malayalee and a Muslim, then I bet you have definitely faced the world’s most needed but much feared 'Ustad'... :) for the others, Ustad is that person who teaches us ignoramuses the Qurán.. how to read the holy words and recite them well.. and also, in the process acquaint us with the history and principles of Islam.. sounds interesting eh..? but unfortunately, quite the opposite.. well.. what else can u expect when u force high-on-energy fresh-from-their-naps kids to spend their evenings with a man learning to read things that make no sense to them, when they could be out playing or having fun..?

I know.. its sad in some ways.. most of the time(note.. "most".. not all..), its just learning to read and recite without understanding at all.. at least it used to be 10 years back.. I am sure we kids would have stayed and actually listened and loved it if only we knew what we were reading meant.. I know it now thanks to the translations alongside the verses now.. but sadly when we were learning, nobody taught us the meanings which ultimately resulted in these evening sessions being the most boring part of the day..

The other day, my sis and I were talking about the many different "Ustads" we have had teach us over the years.. very lively incidents with each person.. worth remembering for a lifetime.. :) I remember my sister actually dared one very pious man doing the noblest deed of all(imparting the knowledge of the Qurán), to prove to her if he could cross his eyes as well as she could.. and once, by the time he got back from the restroom, she hid behind the sofa and made him hunt for her.. and I, God alone knows why, kept my mouth shut and watched her jump out from behind her hiding place and startle him..

Another good man used to ask me to read the verses he read to me that day, twice silently and then I had to read it out aloud to him.. well.. I remembering wondering why I had to do the silent reading twice if I had to anyway read aloud.. so instead, the big genius that I am, I used to count till 100 twice... I feel like an ass now when I think of it.. I could have as well read the verses instead of COUNTING!! its not like reading is an arduous task... its better than counting for no reason.. guess it was the fault of my age..

My sister and I found another brilliant method of troubling the poor soul.. When we would hear the door bell ring announcing the arrival of the Ustad, we would walk at a snail's pace to the door and make him wait there till we turned the key millimetre by millimetre in the lock and learn the mechanics of door locks while opening the door... My sister also came up with a foolproof tactic of avoiding some minutes of the class by visiting the loo and staying there till my mom had to bang on the door and pull her out.. Then she had to be threatened to go back to the class..

Before you guys think my sister and I are the laziest and probably the worst brought up kids, wait.. its the same everywhere.. I have 2 cousins who used to hide on top of the water tank in their house when they saw their Ustad approaching.. And my poor aunt couldn’t climb all the way up there.. so many a times, the Ustad had to go back after waiting for a bit.. There were 2 kids who used to join me and my cousins during these classes sometimes.. the younger kid, when he got bored, would crawl under the table and make the poor teacher chase him around.. Another clever friend of ours would sometimes call her very talkative dad into the room in the middle of the class and initiate a hot discussion between him and the teacher.. This helped her avoid the rest of the class 'coz by the time the discussion was done, it was time for the teacher to leave.. Funny how her dad never caught on to this repetitive trick... See.. everybody's bad...

You know what’s the funniest.. when I was young, the thing I probably prayed ultra fervently was for the Ustad not to turn up that day.. my sister used to join me in those prayers too.. we used to wait beside the phone and pray that it would ring and announce the cancellation of that day’s class.. and funnily enough, those prayers were actually granted quite a few times.. or so we liked to think.. and the happiness and festivity during those times.. well.. it would equal that in a fully packed stadium in India when India wins a cricket match against Pakistan.. quite a paradox if u ask me... :) praying to God that we wouldn’t have to spend an hour learning about Him..