ചേട്ടാ.. :)

I guess we Malayalis are the only people on earth to do this.. Do what you may ask.. Well.. We're the only people on earth who address elder brothers and husbands by the same term..

Chetta, Ikka or Ichayan.. Could be your brother or your husband.. Imagine calling your husband Bhaiya..? or Anna..? :) They'd hit you!!!

This is seriously something I don't get.. How did this even happen..? Where in the path of evolution of the language and the region did we just overlook this slight mishap..? :)

My ancestors are going to hunt me down and kill me for sure.. But c'mon.. I had to let this out of my system.. Peace.. :)

What do I do..?

You think you're all grown up.. You get irritated when your mom yells at you cos you think you're wise enough to know right from wrong.. You think you've got it all figured out..

But why are you helpless when you have to actually do something..? Why can't you help a loved one..? Why can't you be heard..? Why is it that you can only watch and do nothing to help..? If you're so grown up and mature, why is it that you HAVE to be only a spectator and have your heart torn apart..?

So when do you "grow up"..? When do you officially become an adult..? When can you make yourself heard..? Just because you know stuff and you know what can be done, you cannot make a difference.. I don't know what can.. I wish I did..

The fly who flew!!

Shri wanted me to name this entry "the fly who flew indian airlines, my li'l winged co-passenger".. :) so now u get the gist dont u.. today i was travelling from kerala to qatar.. and there was a fly on the plane.. and all i could think of was how the fly was hitching a ride to the middle east without bothering to waste its wing power.. imagine the rude shock it must have got when it got out of the aeroplane..? i bet its dead now.. or dying.. the heat and dust must be quite over powering..

but then maybe even the fly is a true blood malayali.. who was really lazy back home.. but is gonna toil and work hard now that its here.. or maybe it might just find a nice arab fly to fall in love with and get married.. anyway.. wish the fly all the best.. :) right now, i think it's gone sight seeing.. :)

Past, Present, Future

Today I happened to check an old email account of mine.. there were a billion messages from hi5.com.. which I had totally forgotten about.. so I revisited my hi5 account after more than 4 years.. it was funny.. it was like seeing myself before 5 years.. the journal entries there were all about how I hated hostel.. :) there were entries with countdowns on the date of the hols when I’d get to go home.. and my language.. eww.. stuff written there sound exactly like how my sister talks now.. so I guess that means there’s hope for my sis.. :D I’m glad to know I’ve changed.. and I don’t talk or write in that horrible fashion anymore.. maybe after another 5 years, I might find these blog posts disgusting too.. who knows..

oh btw.. that reminds me of this email I once sent to my future self.. using futureme.org.. I did this, I think about 3 years back.. I don’t exactly remember what I had written in that email.. or when I wanted to receive that mail.. I think I’d opted for 2010.. not sure though.. anyway.. that’s something to look forward to.. (if I’m still alive i.e.) cant wait to read that email and cringe.. :)

p.s. i deleted that hi5 account.. :)

Oh.. For the love of a tattoo..

I love tattoos.. I absolutely adore them.. BUT.. I'm not allowed one.. It would be the ultimate sin and horror if I ever got one.. It is also the one foolproof way to get my family to disown me.. And so, the big genius hidden inside me came up with this idea.. A tattoo with hair color.. :) Near perfect..
I painstakingly drew the design on my arm.. Bought the best black hair dye from the market.. Mixed it and filled a perfect cone.. Appplied it and while waiting, dreamed about the various responses I would be getting - a big gasp of horror from Mom, unmistakable sighs of envy and admiration from friends n blah blah..
The dye dried.. My heart wouldnt stop hammering with excitement (reminder here - I LOVE tattoos)..
BUT..
Apparently, hair dye colors only hair and not skin!!! :( :( :(

No worries though, I bought some black henna afterwards and successfully accomplished the feat.. :)

MY BUCKET LIST

• Find true love.. (cliché I know.. :) ) DONE!!! :) :)
  
• Buy a Sony play station (for some reason, my dad’s dead against getting me that)DONE!!!
• Visit the dead sea. (i HAVE to see if i can float on it as they say)
• Learn most of the Indian languages.
• LOSE weight :) (this was supposed to be number one)
• Cook a perfect 6 course meal all my myself.
• Get a masters degree.
• Go on a trip with just a backpack and nothing else.
• Have at least a dozen more stay overs with only arati, aarthi, divya and aparna, gossiping away.. :)
• Have a collection of at least a thousand books.
• Own the entire Calvin and Hobbes hardback collection.DONE!!!
• Sponsor a child.
• Work for a cause.
• Go on a world tour.
• Bungee jumping!! Even though I’m a billion percent sure I’ll chicken out at the last moment.
• Have my own successful chain of restaurants.
• Watch live performances by Russell Peters and Jeff Dunham.
  

This list is just the beginning.. Subject to addition..

OH GOD... PLEASE...

If you are a Malayalee and a Muslim, then I bet you have definitely faced the world’s most needed but much feared 'Ustad'... :) for the others, Ustad is that person who teaches us ignoramuses the Qurán.. how to read the holy words and recite them well.. and also, in the process acquaint us with the history and principles of Islam.. sounds interesting eh..? but unfortunately, quite the opposite.. well.. what else can u expect when u force high-on-energy fresh-from-their-naps kids to spend their evenings with a man learning to read things that make no sense to them, when they could be out playing or having fun..?

I know.. its sad in some ways.. most of the time(note.. "most".. not all..), its just learning to read and recite without understanding at all.. at least it used to be 10 years back.. I am sure we kids would have stayed and actually listened and loved it if only we knew what we were reading meant.. I know it now thanks to the translations alongside the verses now.. but sadly when we were learning, nobody taught us the meanings which ultimately resulted in these evening sessions being the most boring part of the day..

The other day, my sis and I were talking about the many different "Ustads" we have had teach us over the years.. very lively incidents with each person.. worth remembering for a lifetime.. :) I remember my sister actually dared one very pious man doing the noblest deed of all(imparting the knowledge of the Qurán), to prove to her if he could cross his eyes as well as she could.. and once, by the time he got back from the restroom, she hid behind the sofa and made him hunt for her.. and I, God alone knows why, kept my mouth shut and watched her jump out from behind her hiding place and startle him..

Another good man used to ask me to read the verses he read to me that day, twice silently and then I had to read it out aloud to him.. well.. I remembering wondering why I had to do the silent reading twice if I had to anyway read aloud.. so instead, the big genius that I am, I used to count till 100 twice... I feel like an ass now when I think of it.. I could have as well read the verses instead of COUNTING!! its not like reading is an arduous task... its better than counting for no reason.. guess it was the fault of my age..

My sister and I found another brilliant method of troubling the poor soul.. When we would hear the door bell ring announcing the arrival of the Ustad, we would walk at a snail's pace to the door and make him wait there till we turned the key millimetre by millimetre in the lock and learn the mechanics of door locks while opening the door... My sister also came up with a foolproof tactic of avoiding some minutes of the class by visiting the loo and staying there till my mom had to bang on the door and pull her out.. Then she had to be threatened to go back to the class..

Before you guys think my sister and I are the laziest and probably the worst brought up kids, wait.. its the same everywhere.. I have 2 cousins who used to hide on top of the water tank in their house when they saw their Ustad approaching.. And my poor aunt couldn’t climb all the way up there.. so many a times, the Ustad had to go back after waiting for a bit.. There were 2 kids who used to join me and my cousins during these classes sometimes.. the younger kid, when he got bored, would crawl under the table and make the poor teacher chase him around.. Another clever friend of ours would sometimes call her very talkative dad into the room in the middle of the class and initiate a hot discussion between him and the teacher.. This helped her avoid the rest of the class 'coz by the time the discussion was done, it was time for the teacher to leave.. Funny how her dad never caught on to this repetitive trick... See.. everybody's bad...

You know what’s the funniest.. when I was young, the thing I probably prayed ultra fervently was for the Ustad not to turn up that day.. my sister used to join me in those prayers too.. we used to wait beside the phone and pray that it would ring and announce the cancellation of that day’s class.. and funnily enough, those prayers were actually granted quite a few times.. or so we liked to think.. and the happiness and festivity during those times.. well.. it would equal that in a fully packed stadium in India when India wins a cricket match against Pakistan.. quite a paradox if u ask me... :) praying to God that we wouldn’t have to spend an hour learning about Him..

What "religion" is your name..?

How does a name acquire a religion..? I've had countless number of people asking me why i was named Febin.. Apparently it is not a "Muslim" name... What anyway is a Muslim name..? or for that matter what makes a name belong to any religion..?

Okay, certain names can be categorized into religions. True.. Names like Krishna and Vishnu are obviously names chosen by people following Hinduism.. And Muslims choose names like Abdullah and Abdul Majeed. These names mean something, something that pertains to God or something connected to that.. What I am talking about are the million other names, especially Indian names that have been classified into religions, the reasons for which I do not understand..

How did Sangita become Hindu when all it means is music..? Abhay(fearless), Pawan(wind), Anand(happiness) are all "Hindu" names.. Why..? Who made it that way.? They are all beautiful names with meanings that are in no way religious.. What made them "Hindu"..? Faiza(gain), Gul(flower), Shabnam(dew drops).. What made these "Muslim"..? Aftab and Aditya mean the same (the sun).. then why is each one of a different "religion"..? Who made these rules..?

I'm glad my name belongs to no religion.. And i wish all names were chosen not for its religion but for its meaning...

Movies can actually kill you...

Till now, when somebody asked me about the worst movie I ever watched, I really never had a proper answer. I had to think really hard to come up with a movie I didnt like all that much. But now, I have one: The ugly duckling and me.

We ended up watching this movie as tickets for all the other movies were sold out and we didnt want to cancel our movie plans. Except for 5 other kids, the theatre was empty. That should have been my first hint. But who could have ever guessed that a movie about a rat and a duckling could be so disastrous?

The movie was excrutiatingly painfully boring. From the first minute, we were dying to walk out. The only thing that kept us in our seats were the price of the tickets.

The animation quality was CRAP. And all the animals, not just the duckling, were horrendously ugly and in some places, even scary looking. Dialogues were very poor. I have no idea about what genre this movie would be placed under (apart from animation). There was absolutely no comedy, no romance, no action, no sentiments; in short, nothing at all. I couldnt even feel sorry for the duckling. I wonder what the makers of this movie were thinking when they came up with this piece of trash. Animation has reached totally new heights and this movie was demeaning to the entire animation industry. Wonder who the target audience was. There was absolutely no cuteness factor for tiny kids to enjoy it. In fact, they might just get terrified 'coz the animals look quite evil. And too boring for adults. The other 5 kids in the theatre were actually playing tag during the second half of the movie. They could afford to. Huge empty hall and rows of seats to run through. And just some senseless stuff playing on the screen in front which nobody cared about.

I think they should seriously issue a statutory warning in places screening this movie. WATCHING THIS MOVIE IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH. CAN EVEN CAUSE DEATH (by boredom). GO SMOKE A CIGARETTE OR TWO INSTEAD.

eid again...